Updatez of the week~

For me, this week is considered a busy week~
Helped out at the CNY carnival, which was collaboration between CCS and STACT~

Then on thursday, which was the grand finale event, the Chinese Cultural Night~
My job~ transportation~
and i had to went on the inti bus to kajang to fetch some performers from yu hua ( not sure if that's the spelling~)

So i was like flying from place to place~ class over at 12, then went to ao to do a little lab report, then flew to the bus stop then to the bus and off to kajang~

Thanks to da jie for accompanying me there~!

and btw, that was kent's secondary school~ =D

and well, part of my job is done after i have brought them to the MPH, then i had to "escort" their guru pengiring to the surau~

and flew back to MPH~

The helpers acted as VIPs for the ushers to practice~
so cool man~

event started around 6.30pm~
with the usuak speeches and then the performances, such as lion dance, street dance, popping, chinese yoyo etc~

called bus driver to fetch students abck to kajang, and my job is finally done~ mission accomplished~!

can finally watch performances without flying everywhere~!

oh ya~ didn't have a proper dinner due to time constraints~
except for buns which was brought to us by some committees~ Thanks ya~!

Astro Star Quest champion performed too~!
Gan Wan Chean was so cool lor~

bought her CD and had her autograph too~

conclusion: great experience~! will be joining more of these events in the future~!

================================================================

Next agenda~

What happened between HIM and I is now history~

We are friends, JUST FRIENDS~!

so please do not create any relationships between two of us~


and



i am trying to figure out whether that's THE feeling~
which started during cultural night~ =P
(don't ask me who is the unlucky one~ )



(just treat the last sentence as something invisible~ just my rants~)

生老病死~

昨天下午，一位同学的爸爸去世了~
我回到宿舍后才知道~
听说她知道非常激动， 哭得很厉害~

==================================================================

如果换是我，我也会这样~
虽说跟她和她的家人一点关系也没有，但还心情还是会受到影响~

==================================================================

要好好照顾健康~

要好好对待身边的人~

要会感恩，感谢爸爸妈妈为我们付出的一切~

Yeah~!

我得到胃口应该算恢复了吧~
昨晚吃了肉骨茶加饭~ =.=

酱的自己是最好的啦~
有一句话，live to eat or eat to live,
本人就是那个live to eat 的~呵呵。。。

大姐问到考试了还有没有人写部落格，
答案是有。。。

考试不代表不用写部落格。。。
因为写部落格可以抒发情感。。。

继续冲咯~！

好心情~

今天考了第一科，moral~
应该可以及格，因为有读书~
轻松了一点点~

今天心情好好噢~！
为什么咧？

不要说~自己去猜猜看~呵呵。 。 。

跟他说了很多白痴话，可是开心就好~

总之今天心情好好就对了~

p/s: 不要误会~

= 大家要加油哦~考完试就可以享受了~！呵呵~ =

加油把~

自己一定要加油，不只是为了他和关心我的朋友，更要因为我自己而加油~
相信就会有希望~

没有人会喜欢爱闹情绪的人。。。

可是，有时还是需要个人骂醒我，让我有个哭诉的对象 。 。 。
至于那个人是谁，没有必要说出来，心知肚明~ 知道就好~

= 相信就会有希望~ 加油吧~ =

又没胃口了~

如果你看到这篇post的话，千万别怪你自己，因为不是任何人的错。 。 。

刚才跟几个朋友去pasar malam, 开开心心血拼不少自己爱吃的东西。。 。
可是回到自己的房，回到让自己孤单的房间，又不禁忧伤起来~
roommate因为生病回家了，留下自己孤独在房间~

这几天不知为什么，都没胃口吃东西。 。 。
比如，平时可以吃完一碟炒饭，昨晚却吃不完。。。
刚才回到房，又没胃口吃。。。
我知道，不能让自己饿肚子，就逼自己吃。 。 。
我失败了~

看着眼前的食物，自己却吃了一点就吃不下。。。
明明很饿，现在却吃了一点就不想吃了。 。 。

究竟为什么？
我不想让他为了我而担心，可是现在却。。。

老实说，我已没乱想东西了。。。

只是，自己也不知道为什么会没胃口。 。 。

突然好想听到一些人的声音，至少会让自己心情好一点~
好想找个人让我哭诉，还想找个地方把心里的不快乐喊出来~

对不起，我又让你担心了~
对不起，我没遵守诺言~

我还在疗伤当中~
可是自己好累了，还要准备考试~

给他的话：不要为了我而自责，你没错，一点错也没有 。 。 。
好想看到你。 。 。 好想让你骂醒我。 。 。好想。。。好想。 。 。

找个人骂醒这个开始不爱食物的我~

唉，自己到底在想什么~ =.=

无话可说~

= 我会加油的~ 我做到吗? =

Start of Something New ~

Went to sleep earlier than usual, before 12 am . . .
Woke up, feeling fresh, feeling myself as a new person~

Today, will be the start of something new,
I'll face him with who i am, my true self ~
I've made my friends worried about myself. . .
When i ate less for the pass two days if compared to the usual me . . .

Today,
I shall say bye to the "no appetite" days~
I will concentrate on my studies~
I will do my best in the finals~

To: "him"
Sorry if i have made you felt bad because of me . . .
Sorry for making you stay up late just to make me feel better . . .
It's not anyone's fault and i hope you understand~
I know we can still be buddies / friends after all these issues, right ?

As in my PM, "I promise you that i will take care of myself~ To be honest, the 'feeling' is still there ~"

I know it will not heal that easily, but i will try~

(p/s: to lynn: The two "DP" guys didn't bully me AT ALL~ Seriously ~ They are nice guys ~=D)

A sense of belonging or a mean of consoling myself ?

Blogging ~
I felt so much better after the last post ~ ( though i'm still not hungry . . . =.= )

Blogging gave me a sense of belonging . . .
A place for me to freely express myself . . .
to share my life experiences, happy or sad, good or bad . . .

Maybe i really should step out of my comfort zone,
to look at the future ~

Do i have to be so down ?
And make people around me, maybe including him, to worry about me ?

Blogging gave me my courage to face myself, esp. after the past few posts ~

Erm~
Songs helped me to console myself ~
By YUI, DBSK, Kuraki Mai, Celine Dion . . .
And my current fave is a japanese song by DBSK , どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう,
which means ~ Why did i fall in love with you ?

Addicted to embeding MV's to my post ~
Enjoy ~



Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou - DBSK

Confessions ~

I haven't had my luch . . .
But I'm not hungry . . .
Coz I don't have the mood to eat . . .
No appetite since this morning . . .

I'm starting to feel the stress of finals . . .
more worse when something happened this week . . .

I feel that i'm lying to myself . . .
I say i have learnt to let go,but honestly, i couldn't . . .

I just couldn't let go . . .

You guys were right, i am faking my expressions, coz i don't want you guys to worry about anything . . .

You guys asked me to see ? ? ?, but i just don't have the courage to do so ~
Deep inside myself i have the urge to do so,but in the end i felt afraid ~

Frankly speaking, i don't know how to face him . . .
I have a weird feeling each time i see him . . .

Confessions need to be made:
I'm lying whenever he asks me whether i'm alright . . .
I'm lying whenever i say i am fine . . .
I'm lying whenever i say i don't want to see him . . .

I'm sorry . . .

To him, when i lied to you . . . and i made you worry about me . . .
To my friends for lying to you all . . . and once again making you all worry about me . . .

I don't mean it . . .

Call me silly or crazy to think about all these stuff when finals are approaching . . .
I don't mind . .

I need time to heal . . .

Can i have a shoulder to lean on ?
Tears, are rebelling against my orders to stop crying . . .




= can i have a shoulder for me to cry out loud ? =

= I am tired ~ , how nice if you can understand ~ =

= I am sorry ~ T_T ~ =

= It was today that i realised that i have the ability to hide my feelings ~ =

Another day of my life ~

I felt a freedom in the air . . .
after the l o n g chat which i had with him early this morning . . .

THough u still missed him when i don't see him in class ~
But life must go on ~

I must take care, a promise to him, a promise to myself . . .

We are still friends, though u still have hope that miracle will happen . . .

This song is playing over and over again in my mind . . .

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
Al coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And if we...

告一段落～

昨晚的结果并不是自己想要的，但像“他”学了不少。。。
至少我知道他是个做决定时会考虑到女生的人。。。

照顾一个人，或者是关心一个人，只有情侣之间才做到吗？
并不是。。。
就算是朋友之间，互相关心，照顾，生病时听到简单的一句：“你还好吧？”也可以是可很幸福的事。。。

昨晚和“他”谈了好久，原来他一直担心会影响我的考试。。。
我看错他了。。。

一边聊，一边流泪。。。
他知道了，还一直哄我。。。
但他越哄我，我哭得越厉害。。。

应该道歉的是我。。。

“被爱的人不用道歉。。。”

一点多了，还被他赶去睡觉，因为之前淋了一身的雨，自己也还没病好。
他也问：“没吃药吗？病那么久都还没好。。。”

原来他时会关心我的。。。

还有谢谢一个朋友。。。
别再责怪自己了，你帮了我，因为你安慰了我。。。
不是每个人都做到的哦！

谢谢那个“他”，以为他让我上了宝贵的一课。。。
这首歌代表着我想对他说的话，之后，这件事就算告一段落了。。。

衰仔（我给”他“的专用名词），我能不能做个任性的要求？我要人陪的时候，不要消失得无影无踪。。。还有不要丢下我不管。。。

下雨天－南拳妈妈

下雨天了怎么办 我好想你
不敢打给你 我找不到原因
什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉
沉默的场景 做你的代替
陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉迷
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴

其实 没有我你分不清那些
彻别 接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴

其实 没有我你分不清那些
彻别 接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴

其实 没有我你分不清那些
彻别 接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

思

晚餐后又再度回到自己的房间。。。
顿时又有种莫名的忧伤。。。

我现在的心情，有点像昨晚喝的饮料=〉香槟珍珠奶茶。。。
蓝蓝的，我最爱的口味。。。
朋友为它改了新的名字，叫“蓝色忧郁”。。。

今天，还算顺利地度过。。。
可是不知什么时候开始很在乎一个人。。。
他的一举一动，他的所作所为。。。

突然觉得自己好傻。。。
为了一个人而影响自己的心情。。。

有必要吗？

许多事情一直在脑袋里环绕着。。。

感谢一位朋友让我哭诉。。。
她鼓励我姓“他”说清楚 / 表白。。。

难道我不知道吗？

我并不想太直接。。。
怕会吓到他。。。

就暗示咯。。。

可是他好像不领情。。。

是真的不知道，还是假的不知道？

他自己最清楚。。。

唉。。。

= 如果你也听说，有没有想起我 =

. : : 给自己的话：加油吧！你行的！: : .

Sequel to my dreams and fantasies . . .

Dreams and fantasies, uhmm...

Lot's of question to ask myself after today's classes . . .

Why do i bother to help him get his papers?
Why should i bother to help him to photocopy his papers for him ?
Why should i care when some other girls sticks to him like glue ?
Why should i be jealous ?

Is that the "feeling" ?
Should i care so much about him ?

Does he even knows of my existence ?
Does he even care ?

I don't ask for any monetary rewards or expensive gifts . . .
All i want is someone who cares of me, and appreciates what i am doing in silence . . .

Caught the flu bug again . . .

Lynn: why you always get sick de ?
Anza: Coz i Got no one to take care . . .
Lynn: Then take care of yourself lor . . . Or find someone to take care of you la !

Maybe what she said was right . . .
Maybe she was wrong . . .

All he said was, "eh, you flu again o?" FULLSTOP.

So,

Is he the one ?
or is he not ?

Is it just me or is it really happening ?

If only he can listen to what i want to say . . .
If only he really cares and appreciates . . .
If only someone can help me to make my dreams come true, not just a fantasy . . .

= Another sweet dream in my fantasies, but nightmare in reality ? =

Should i even care so much about him ?

( even if you know who i'm talking about, don't ask me anything . . . I choose to remain silent . . . )

Finally . . .

All the presentations are officially over ! ! ! Woohoo ! ! !
Quite satisfied with my performance, if compared to ENL last week . . .

(Ah ma is sick . . . Hope she'll get well soon . . . )

Now i have time to start on final revisions . . .

Someone pls pull me back to reality. . .
I'm thinking of something which some might think as "thinking too much". . .
I hope it's not happening at this time of my life . . .
Is that the "special feeling"?
Am I thinking too much ?
Maybe i'm just thinking of something with no possibilities of happening . . .
Maybe i should not be so close to him . . .
Maybe this is just a sweet dream or i should call it as a fantasy . . .
Maybe "the greater the hopes, the greater the disappointment" is true after all . . .

Is he Mr. Right ?

Is this what i really want ?

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME ?

“ 爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪
一个人好累 。 。 。”

“怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴。。。”

“如果
全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你
值得我去珍惜
而你在这里
就是生命的奇迹。。。”

“找不到坚强的理由
再也感觉不到你的温柔
告诉我星空在那头
那里是否有尽头。。。”

“相信你只是怕伤害我
不是骗我
很爱过谁会舍得
把我的梦摇醒了
宣布幸福不会来了
用心酸微笑去原谅了
也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择“。。。”


“我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我
感觉如果要走谁能说 。。。”

" Oh no mountains too high enough, oceans too wide
'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour
What we have is worth fighting for
You know I believe, that we were meant to be..."

"I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you..."

"If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I’ll be waiting
Time after time..."


= Is This Love ? = to be revealed later . . .

“你是笨蛋吗？为什么你都不知道。。。”

星期一，准备好去ENL Presentation。。。
为了确定应穿的衣服，一早便SMS老师。。。
可是没回复。。。

就穿普通衣服咯。。。
哪里知道老师去道班才说要穿Formal衣。。。

幸好有朋友借衣服。。。

为了换一跑回房，分数却不是自己想要的。。。好失望。。。

由于当天穿的鞋，太就没穿过了。。。
结果起了水泡。。。
更糟的是，有一个破了。。。

今天又有Presentation，脚的伤口还没好又要勉强自己穿Formal鞋。。。

下文不许多说。。。

一个字。。。
痛。。。非常痛。。。

不是我把事情夸张化，
事实就是，我走一步就会痛一次。。。
上下楼梯时就更糟。。。

今天，Anza几乎到了忍无可忍的地步。。。欲哭无泪。。。

顿时好想要个肩膀让我流泪。。。

有个朋友曾说过，自己的心情会被外来因素影响。。。
也就是说，当自己身边的朋友不开心事，自己也会跟着不开心。。。
最近常常想着一位朋友的事，为什么他常常不开心。。。

特别给那位朋友的话：
虽然我常常因为你作弄我而生气，但我还是觉得那时的你比现在的好多了。。。
我不知道你到底发生了什么事，我也知道自己帮不上什么忙。。。
只希望你能坚强活下去，不要放弃自己的梦想。。。

微笑，是很宝贵的，因为它能把雨天变成晴天。。。

说真的，好想念你的微笑。。。
说真的，好想念那个超搞笑，超无聊的你。。。

期待着你的回来。。。

= 在这个世界上，没有人会放弃你，只有你放弃你自己。。。千万不能放弃。。。 =

能回去吗？

人们的心是脆弱的，一旦受到伤害，就难以补救。 。 。
但是，
凡事都有解决方法，凡事都有其隐藏着的意义等着那个人来发掘。 。 。

Easier said than done . . .

学会放手，或许会让自己更轻松。 。 。

往前看，前面有一片天空等着我们去闯。 。 。

= 前の日また =

Why?

This few days, everyone is busy preparing for the moral test which is tomorrow . . .

However, many things happened . . . which affected the feelings of some people . . .
nothing much can be done, though i really hoped that i can do something to change the situation . . .

有些事让人束手无策。 。 。 思绪也很烦乱。 。 。
为何人与人不能简简单单的相处。 。 。
为何我们不能恢复当初的我们。 。 。

或许我根本不需为它操心那么多。 。 。
或许是我想太多。 。 。

不说了。。 。

I'm Tired。 。 。
我累了。 。 。

私は疲れていた